


Guilty

by dizzy



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 15:38:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3073241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ficlet. "Guilty", as sung by Megan Mullally. No, the story doesn't exactly follow the song (well, not at all, past the first four or so lines), but it was the inspiration.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Guilty

**Author's Note:**

> Ficlet. "Guilty", as sung by Megan Mullally. No, the story doesn't exactly follow the song (well, not at all, past the first four or so lines), but it was the inspiration.

Dom's on probation. He doesn't know quite for how long, but he accepts it, even cherishes it. Probation is a second chance. Probation is not getting thrown out on his ass, left in the cold, figuratively speaking. He's on probation because he broke something that shouldn't ever have been broken, that unspoken promise of fidelity. He broke it and he can't put it back together, but he can try and make a new one. Even if it won't be quite as good as the old. It won't shine like new, it won't be looked upon with unfailing trust.

He never went through the bitter, righteous phase of cheating. Never once did he mutter-

_it's not my fault, he's the one that's halfway around the bloody world, what does he expect of me?_

-because he knows that Billy didn't expect anything more or anything less than what Dom promised, and it isn't Billy's fault that Dom can't keep his promises. Elijah tried to tell him-

_long distances relationships never work, Billy had to know that. And how do you know that he's not fooling around on you? Come on, man - you've both got needs, be realistic!_

-but Dom just shook the words away, knowing that Elijah was only trying to be helpful, but also knowing that Elijah was wrong, dead wrong, because Billy wouldn't do that to him and he was a fucking idiot to do it to Billy.

It wasn't something he planned. A raging party, a belly full of liquor, a pretty little blonde with green, green eyes and an accent that reminded him of home. He'd never meant for it to happen, but he'd told her all about Billy-

_yeah, actually, I do have- I'm in a relationship. Yeah, yeah, we're in love. It's pretty serious. No, not from around here - yeah, we miss each other... but we're on the phone a lot, plenty of visits back and forth... going next week, as a matter of fact, meeting up in Manchester... can't wait._

-and she'd been so sympathetic that when she asked for a ride home, pleading with those big, big eyes, that he'd said yes and before he knew it, he was on his back in an unfamiliar bed, eyes squeezed shut, chanting Billy's name - out loud? - and feeling the blood pound through his body.

After, he left with barely a word of goodbye, the cold sweat and musk of sex clinging to his body like a second skin. He'd trudged back home, to Elijah and that smug little expression, like he'd known all along that it would happen. He'd called Billy, told him everything-

_you have to believe me, it didn't mean anything, I wouldn't - fuck, I don't even know her last name, I don't know why... I was drunk, but that's not an excuse... I don't have an excuse... just a fucking idiot, please don't hate me, I love you..._

-and Billy accepted his apoligies through the hurt and betrayel and told Dom that they'd talk when they got to Manchester, and here Dom is, laying on the hotel bed, watching Billy sleep, and thinking about how he's going to be a fucking saint from now on, how Billy won't ever have a reason not to trust him.

Billy told Dom that he believed him. He told him that they wouldn't break up over this, even if it did take a little while to get over it. Billy told him a lot of things that night-

_I love you, but I worry... I'm not enough for you... we're too far away. But I can't give up, you know? It's like an addiction. I'm addicted to you, Dommie. Or maybe not. Maybe it's just love. I get jealous, of everyone that gets to be with you when we're apart. Lijah. Especially Elijah. I worry... that I'll lose you. To someone that is there. I worry..._

-just enough to make Dom realize that Billy can say a lot without really revealing anything that wasn't already known before. Dom wishes that he could know what Billy is thinking now, but all he knows is how Billy hesitated before kissing him, and the hint of pain in his eyes when Dom held him, after they made love. It makes Dom feel like a monster, knowing that he caused that in Billy. It's not the first time Billy's been hurt, he knows, and surely it won't be the last, but still he feels as if simply because it's him, that it's different, it's worse somehow.

In a week, he'll be back in LA and Billy will be back in Glasgow. Will Billy believe him when he says that there's no one else? Without being able to look into his eyes, will Billy know the truth? He has to, Dom tells himself, because he can't fight something that isn't really there, something that's just in Billy's mind. Even if he's the one resposible for the ghost that will haunt them. The pretty blonde ghost with the bright green eyes that he fucked at two AM on a Sunday morning in a seedy Los Angeles apartment.


End file.
